Wherever you go, there you are
July 14, 2025
Oceanside HarborFun To Be Around is written by me, Stephanie Weaver, MPH an author and TED talk coach. No aspect of this post is created using any type of AI. All mistakes are mine, a real human. I post for the delight of writing and connecting, hoping to add a bright spot to your week regardless of what’s happening in the world. No paywalls, ever. If you enjoy my writing and find yourself looking forward to the next post, support my work as a disabled writer with a $5 monthly subscription, or a one-time donation via Venmo.
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THINKING ABOUT:
I moved to Chicago in 1982 to finish college. At the time it was a great choice. Apartments were huge and cheap, fantastic public transit meant I didn’t need a car, and Columbia College took all of my transfer and AP credits so I could graduate on time. I hoped to become a set or costume designer for feature films after graduating. When my friends started planning their moves to LA I was a big knot of nerves. It seemed so far, so scary. But the truth?
San ClementeThe truth was that I felt so deeply terrible about myself that I didn’t believe I deserved to live in a place with beautiful weather, palm trees, and gorgeous beaches. So I stayed.
I tried finding work in film, nearly nonexistent in Chicago at the time. I got a masters in public health (more on that here). I flirted with moving to Nashville, loving the smaller city, more temperate weather, and the friends I’d made on visits. But finally I had to admit to my therapist that my year-long deep dive into a Nashville move would not change the person I was once I got there. I’d still be me. Still deeply depressed. Nashville was an escape fantasy; I couldn’t escape myself.
By 1995 I’d been living in Chicago for 13 years. I remember heading to work on a day in early May. I stepped outside into sleet. As much as I loved Chicago, I couldn’t do it any more. I needed to live somewhere I could bike to work any time. Somewhere that didn’t get bitter in the winter and unbearably humid in the summer. Not everyone was cranky year-round. This was a me problem. And if I put my mind to it I could fix it.
By this point most of my friends lived an hour away in the suburbs and were having kids. If Chicago was going to be my permanent home I should buy a condo and stop paying rent. And I couldn’t bring myself to do that.
Because I’d done a lot of healing work in the years since my Nashville fantasy, I allowed myself to imagine what my life could look like if I could choose. Where did I actually want to be? What might make me happier? One benefit of family estrangement was that I didn’t have any ties or voices pulling me in a particular direction.
South Lake Park, San Marcos
I spent Sundays at the public library researching weather in cities around the country. Number of days of sunshine. Average temperature. Hurricane season. Earthquake statistics.
Working in the education department at the Chicago Botanic Garden, all the latest garden magazines came across my desk. Every time I saw a landscape filled with agave, lavender, and sage my heart went pitter pat. Maybe I should think about California more seriously?
A classic Southern California garden, my actual front yard for 23 yearsIn 1996 I planned a driving vacation starting in San Francisco, through the Central Valley, L.A., then down to San Diego. Walking around San Diego in February blew my mind. It was 68 degrees. Trees full of glossy green leaves. Birds of paradise grew as bushes in people’s yards. Palms cast their beautiful frond-ey shade over succulent gardens. I felt like I’d gotten to heaven early.
Laguna BeachI mailed resumes for every possible position I found in the three-week-old San Diego Union-Tribune want ads. A year later I landed a job. Even though I never ended up working in the movies, I drove out here solo and built a life built on dreams AND reality. I’m incredibly privileged to have had so many choices, and to be able to afford the higher costs in my state. I love the ideal of California as well as its flaws. I will love it forever.
Rainbow after a storm, OceansideIs there a dream you've deferred because you didn't "deserve it?" Have you pursued something other people said was crazy? I'd love to hear about it.
WATCHING:
In The Studio (AppleTV+), Seth Rogan writes, directs, and acts with an all-star cast in a Hollywood love letter. It’s a must-watch for people who love movies, cinematography, and television. Every episode is an homage to a different movie genre without being gimmicky. (The film noir episode got a bit in its own way but still made me laugh.) The show looks fantastic and it’s clear that Rogan and Company have put their all into saving Hollywood by shooting in LA, choosing gorgeous locations, and telling the story-within-a-story about how the business has mostly moved elsewhere to cut costs, constantly threatened by buyouts, corporate tie-ins, and “guaranteed hits.” I won’t ruin it for you by saying more, except that Catherine O’Hara is a jewel, Ike Barinholz and Bryan Cranston are hilarious, Kathryn Hahn does a running gag that almost made me pee my pants, and the cameos and cinematography are insane.
READING: End Credits: Patty Lin
The subtitle of Lin’s gripping memoir is “How I Broke Up with Hollywood.” She details an upbringing framed by the high career expectations of Taiwanese immigrant parents. Instead of medicine, law, or engineering, Lin was captivated by theater and television from an early age. She breaks her parents’ hearts by getting a TV writing job in Hollywood, peaks “too early,” and eventually quits the business. It’s a must-read for anyone who dreams of working in film or television. Lin wrote for Freaks and Geeks, Friends, and Breaking Bad, and only one of those experiences was positive. It’s a frank and brutally honest look at workplace harassment and bullying, racism, and sexism. Ironically, Rogan starred in Freaks and Geeks and Bryan Cranston in Breaking Bad, making this the perfect counterpoint to my recommendation of The Studio.
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EATING: Grapefruit and Shaved Fennel Salad with Fresh Mint
This is the ultimate California salad, originally served to me by Chef Greg Frey at the Golden Door spa on a hot, beautiful Southern California day. It showcases our glorious citrus and produce and reminds me why I live here. RECIPE LINK HERE
