I look very spiritual, no? Meh. Photo credit: Modern Tree Studio
Fun To Be Around is written by me, Stephanie Weaver, MPH an author and TED talk coach. No aspect of this post is created using any type of AI. I post for the delight of writing and connecting, hoping to add a bright spot to your week regardless of what’s happening in the world. No paywalls, ever. Support my work as a disabled writer with a $5 monthly subscription, or a one-time donation via Venmo.
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THINKING ABOUT:
From 2007 to 2013 I was the visitor experience girl. I wrote a successful book on the topic, had a viable museum consultancy, and traveled all over the U.S. working with amazing museums and parks and gardens. I loved the work for a long time. Until I got burned out working for non-profits.
To recharge myself I started a food blog, The Recipe Renovator, as a passion project in 2010. A few years later I became the migraine diet girl, publishing two books for other migraine sufferers. I rebranded myself online as @sweavermph to highlight my expertise as a person with a public health degree, hoping it would help doctors take my books seriously enough to recommend them to their patients.
Had I been willing to post about migraines 24/7, I might have more than a few thousand followers on whatever platform you happen to find me. It would have been so much easier if I could have just kept churning out migraine books and gotten sponsorships from migraine products. But I cannot put myself into a box. I like posting about my garden and recipes and flowers and pop culture. I hate being chronically ill and don’t want it to define me.
The algorithm—and by extension the publishing industry—wants to understand your content. And by that they mean “use the same words and hashtags over and over so we can push you out to the people that have clicked on that before.” I’ve watched some friends be VERY successful posting on a single topic and building amazing six-figure followings with their wonderful and helpful content, followed by book deals. That is not me.
When I started writing my memoir—inspired by my mother’s recipe box and food memories—I contacted my agent in excitement when I thought it was ready. She gently let me know that she couldn’t represent me because she only worked on culinary books. She didn’t know the right editors to approach or even the ins and outs of memoir contracts. I had finally earned the cachet of having an agent, but once I changed genres I was on my own.
As I began pitching the memoir to new agents I heard the same thing over and over: I love your writing. Your story is too sad. Without a big platform, memoirs are really hard to sell.
I heard this—or nothing—from 179 agents over five years.
Our culture is set up to identify and elevate gurus, stars, luminaries, athletes, and entertainers. We are fed a constant diet of “see how amazing this person is!” The publishing industry doesn’t want memoirs from nobodies. They’ll happily publish memoirs of famous people and politicians and people with lots of followers. Some of those books are well-written. Some are not. Some sell well. Some do not.
You might ask, 1) Why didn’t you give up? And 2) Or why didn’t you just self-publish?
1) Based on the response from my early readers I know this book will help people. It was the book I needed to read when I was 25 and 35 and 45. My story will help women feel seen, will help childhood abuse survivors feel validated, will help estranged folks feel like they’re not terrible people.
2) I self-published a mini-memoir in 2013. I lost a TON of money on it. I experienced the process as very difficult and didn’t want to do it again. And I didn’t have the money $10,000 to sign with a hybrid publisher and get this book into the world.
I persevered and sold my book to an indie publisher. It’s coming out April 7, 2026. Conventional wisdom tells me I should be “building my platform in the estrangement space.” But I don’t want to post about estrangement 24/7 for the next year. I don’t want to write a follow-up handbook on estrangement. I don’t want to be estrangement girl. I will do my very best to get the word out in a way that makes sense for me.
I do want to talk about the pain of estrangement and childhood sexual abuse and lost memories and food memories and forgiveness and healing and reconciliation.
If any of that interests you, great! But I want to be clear: My book will not solve your family problems. My book might illuminate some things that help you find your own path. If I’m lucky, my book might get people arguing over it. The people who will NEVER forgive their abusers might hate my book, and that’s okay and perfectly valid. The people who don’t believe we block out childhood memories could go after me. The people who hate Bessel van der Kolk might cancel me because I mention that his book helped me. I don’t have control over any of that.
But I beg you, please don’t put me on a pedestal. I will disappoint you. I promise.
Years ago I attended a weekly yoga class led by a charismatic instructor who was revered at the studio. I enjoyed his sessions, but at times felt a little uncomfortable around him. You can guess what’s coming, right?
A fall from grace via sexual scandal. Even though he hadn’t been overtly inappropriate with me I no longer wanted to listen to the customized yoga recording he’d made for me. I was disappointed and angry with him.
I listen to that recording every time I do my morning yoga. It reminds me that no one belongs on a pedestal. No one is my guru.
WATCHING:
Lee, about the barrier-breaking American WWII photojournalist Lee Miller, surprised me from start to finish. Miller started out as a model and became a photographer, eventually getting to the front lines of the war in Europe. Excellent performances, sets, and costuming do a brilliant job of telling her remarkable story. Andy Samberg’s casting took me out of the period, but he does a creditable job playing Life photographer David Scherman. This movie deserved far better marketing and a better promo image, as it’s a powerful WWII story that needs to be seen. (Hulu)
READING: The Perils of Girlhood by Melissa Fraterrigo
Fraterrigo takes personal experiences all women can relate to and weaves them into edge-of-your-seat moments. While this is technically a memoir in essays, each piece able to stand on its own, it feels like a finely crafted memoir about innocence, sexuality, danger, and growing up in a female body in America. Stayed up far too late reading this and finished it too quickly. Absolutely outstanding writing.
You'll find all of my book recommendations at my Bookshop. If you buy from this link the author makes more, an indie bookstore gets the sale, and I make a small commission. Win/Win/Win!
Here’s the Amazon link if you prefer.
Congrats on the book! I absolutely understand what you mean about not branding yourself as one thing - I too could be “estrangement girl” or “daughter of difficult mother girl,” etc. I am curious how people get over that and do it anyway, it just sounds soul killing.
I often find that gurus are as much of hot messes as the rest of us— I learned that the hard way once or twice. Look forward to reading your memoir!