Goodbye, sweet sister

April 7, 2025

No aspect of this post is created using any type of AI. All mistakes are mine, a real human.

THINKING ABOUT:
After I get the news, I pull out the picture of us from 1962, when I was a toddler and you were steadying me down the steps at the park on Lake Erie. Back then you wore your hair in a Gidget flip and you’re looking at me as tenderly as if you were my mother.

Being eleven years older, you always looked out for me, even before I had memories. When the back door of our rusty red station wagon flew open as Mom made a left turn, I began sliding across the vinyl seat, catching a blast of wind and a flash of rushing gravel before your hand caught me by the waistband of my baby pants, pulling me to safety.

You were my magical older sister, setting your hair with Dippity Doo on empty orange-juice-concentrate cans, ironing our middle sister Jen’s* hair in your room, playing ping-pong in the basement to Rubber Soul on the turntable.

After I get the news, I remember you and Jen laughing and baking in the kitchen, your hands a floury mess as you pulled Butter Dips out of the oven. I didn’t just want to be like you when I grew up; I wanted to BE you. You were so cool and tan and then you were off to college and then you were getting married, standing on our front steps in your homemade wedding dress with me and Jen in blue seersucker dresses with yellow daisy trim.

And then you were a mom before I was even out of high school, our lives worlds apart. I’d only see you once a year, but you always brought laughter and sweetness into the house along with your babies.

After I get the news, I think about how you were the first person I wanted to tell about what Dad had done to me, so I drove across the country to your house in Connecticut. We sat in your back yard and drank iced tea and I tried to find the words and then you said it happened to you too. It was the first time I felt like I wasn’t totally alone in the family.

Thank you for visiting me in San Diego so many times, for walks along the water on Coronado Island, for dinners and chats and Top Chef viewing parties. I look around the kitchen and see you everywhere. The set of nesting strawberry bowls that I’ve served hundreds, possibly over a thousand meals in. The espresso machine you got me for Christmas long before there was a Starbucks, because you took me out to dinner at an Italian restaurant in Boston and I ordered a cappuccino. The oval baking dish you gave me when I cleaned out your kitchen for you before you downsized.

I love you so so much, dear Cassie*. I’ll miss you terribly.

WATCHING: My favorite sister movies
Sense and Sensibility: Emma Thompson’s Oscar-winning screenplay and Ang Lee’s gorgeous direction combine for an exquisite classic starring Thompson, Kate Winslet, Hugh Grant, and Alan Rickman. I won’t be able to watch this for a while without ugly crying, but the scene where Elinor sits at Marianne’s sickbed and begs her not to die is exactly how I feel right now.

Pride and Prejudice: Five sisters all need to be married off, featuring Keira Knightly as Elizabeth, Donald Sutherland as the head-in-the-clouds father, Matthew Macfadyn as dreamy Mr. Darcy, and Rosamund Pike as Jane. Headstrong Elizabeth Bennet is desperate to stay independent while fighting for her sister Jane’s happiness.

Quiz Lady: Awkwafina and Sandra Oh star in this hilarious comedy about a trivia master and her older, unpredictable, frustrating sister. Need to rewatch soon.

In Her Shoes: Susannah Grant’s adaptation of Jennifer Weiner’s novel pitts serious Rose (Toni Collette) against flighty Maggie (Cameron Diaz). The only thing they have in common is the love of gorgeous designer shoes and the traumatic childhood loss lurking under the surface of all their family interactions. Diaz shines in her role as a younger daughter with dyslexia who falls back on her looks to survive. Highlights are Shirley MacLaine as acerbic grandmother Ella, the Florida “active community for older seniors,” and Mark Feuerstein as quietly sexy lawyer Simon, “I’m an expert orderer. One meal with me and you’ll want to eat with me for the rest of your life.”

READING: A Face for Picasso by Ariel Henley
Ariel and her identical twin sister Zan were born with Crouzon Syndrome, a rare condition where the bones of the head fuse prematurely. They were the first twins known to survive it, and they endured many painful surgeries—from ages 8 months to their teens—as doctors re-arranged bones to make room for organs and attempted to reshape their faces in line with US standards of beauty.

While marketed as a Young Adult memoir, this coming-of-age story is important reading for people of any age. Pre-teens and teens will find much to relate to in Ariel’s story about longing to fit in, be seen as attractive, and be popular. Mature readers will appreciate the deft way Henley weaves in the story of the painter Picasso, his art, and his abusive relationships with women as a metaphor for her own relationship with toxic beauty standards and body dysmorphia.

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Here’s the Amazon link if you prefer.

EATING:
I used Cassie’s dish to recreate a favorite dish the Hubs and I had in Venice, roasted carrots with cilantro and lime. I think of her every single time I see this dish in the cupboard. RECIPE LINK HERE

*Cassie and Jen are the names I chose for my sisters in my upcoming memoir. To respect them and our family’s privacy I’m using them here.

Fun To Be Around is written by me, Stephanie Weaver, MPH an author and TED talk coach. I post for the delight of writing and connecting. No paywalls, ever. If you enjoy my writing and find yourself looking forward to the next issue, support my work as a disabled writer with a $5 monthly subscription. Feel free to try a paid subscription for a month or two, and no worries if you decide to cancel. Come back soon. I love seeing you here.