Showing up

April 14, 2025

No aspect of this post is created using any type of AI. All mistakes are mine, a real human.

THINKING ABOUT:
I was rolling out our family’s German anise cookie dough to take heart-shaped cookies to my sister’s funeral. She loved them, as we all did, and in the years when her health became poor, I would always send her some for Christmas. I opened the door to find my friend Paula holding a gorgeous pot of spring bulbs. Paula lived across the street from us for six months before moving to their new home, a solid 35-minute drive east. But there she was on my doorstep, just to let me know she loved me and knew I was grieving. I immediately burst into tears.

I haven’t been able to talk with people in person about losing my sister yet, and Paula didn’t stay. She just wanted me to have some flowers and some Trader Joe’s chocolate truffle eggs and a hug.

Sometimes we worry what to say when someone is going through a hard time. I am convinced that showing up is the main thing. Once my cousin Ruthie heard about Cassie’s death, she organized two of her brothers to come and show up for us. Our neighbor Donna took care of our 13-year-old golden retriever, sending us adorable videos of her having a good time.

My amazing friend Dr. Anne Aspler is an ER doctor in Toronto, a sexual abuse survivor, and an all-around incredible human being. She showed up in a big way at this event to fund raise for survivors, and is currently working on a book to help others. I’ve been thrilled to watch her talk go viral since it posted, since it makes it far more likely she’ll get a book deal and the world will be able to learn from her wise heart.

I’d love to hear how people have showed up for you.

WATCHING: Dying for Sex (Hulu)
Warning, this will absolutely make you UGLY CRY. This eight-part series is based on the Wondery podcast of the same name hosted by Nikki Boyer and her best friend “Molly.” It follows Molly’s life in the immediate aftermath of learning that her breast cancer has returned, she’s now stage four, and one of the drugs she’s taking has her libido in overdrive. On the surface, the show is a frank look at women’s sexual desire, the impact of childhood sexual abuse on our adult sexual experiences, and the realities of living with stage four cancer.

It has the boisterous openness of Sex Education, and the women’s conversations are hilariously graphic. Molly explores (light) domination and a variety of kinks in her quest to find out what she actually likes and wants, as she’s gotten to her early forties and still has no idea. When one of my favorite actors Rob Delaney appeared, I knew I was in the right place. Their relationship is weird and combative and ultimately sweet, like nothing I’ve seen on film,

What the show is really about, however, is Nikki showing up for Molly when she needs her. It’s the most stunning onscreen depiction of female friendship I can remember. While Michelle Williams should rightly get an Emmy and a Golden Globe for her performance as Molly, it’s Jenny Slate’s portrayal of flaky actor Nikki—who isn’t sure she can manage being The Person in Charge—that slayed me. I sobbed through the final episode (possibly not the best choice of show to watch in the week following my sister’s death), but I know I’ll come back to this series again. I so related to Molly’s internal monologue (pay attention to when it disappears), and am grateful this show showed up the week I needed it.

READING: Touch by Courtney Maum
This is the first novel I’ve read by Maum, an accomplished writer, book coach, editor, and memoirist. Maum is a true literary citizen, showing up for other writers, penning her newsletter

Courtney Maum

giving insider tips about making a living as a writer. Her book Before and After the Book Deal is a must-read for any aspiring writer, and she’s consistently generous in sharing so openly about the opaque business of publishing.

Her novel Touch feels prescient now, fitting for a story about a trends forecaster hired by a tech conglomerate to inspire a new line of products targeted at the childless. Her characters are sharp, believable, and engaging, and the story line of protagonist Sloane’s wild rise/fall/rise rings true in this age of virality. In a time when I too struggle with how much I am on my phone and how much I want real-world connection, Touch is a wise novel that hits home in the most satisfying way.

You'll find all of my book recommendations at my Bookshop. If you buy from this link the author makes more, an indie bookstore gets the sale, and I make a small commission. Win/Win/Win!

Here’s the Amazon link if you prefer.

EATING: German Anise Cookies
I’m so glad I took the time to make these for Cassie’s gathering, as so many family members love and remember them as well. RECIPE LINK

Fun To Be Around is written by me, Stephanie Weaver, MPH an author and TED talk coach. I post for the delight of writing and connecting. No paywalls, ever. If you enjoy my writing and find yourself looking forward to the next issue, support my work as a disabled writer with a $5 monthly subscription. Feel free to try a paid subscription for a month or two, and no worries if you decide to cancel. Come back soon. I love seeing you here.